Similarly, narcissists decide what other people are supposed to do and, when expectations are not fulfilled, the scene can be a lot like someone swearing at their computer for crashing. Who decides what they are supposed to do? We do. We love appliances, as long as they do what they are supposed to do. There is a loving connection beyond behaviour and circumstances. You might come to a point where the relationship no longer works, yet, on some level, you continue to love the person, despite their behaviour. This is not to say that there are no limits to what you will tolerate. It’s a love that goes beyond appearances. It’s a love that connects you from core to core. Healthy unconditional love requires a bonding beyond the surface appearance and behaviour of someone. It’s not something narcissists are familiar with. You know how, when you truly love someone, whether it’s a person, or even a pet, you can get really angry at them, yet despite the anger, you still feel love for them? That’s healthy unconditional love.
That’s a lot what narcissistic “love” is like. You know how an appliance like that can make a great contribution to our lives, to the point where, when it’s working, we really love it for doing all those things? Maybe your computer, or cellphone / i-phone, or MP3 player. Pick an electrical appliance that you use a lot. One of the keys to sanity is understanding that, when it comes to love, narcissists come from a completely different place. It’s an utterly confusing dynamic, not least because it’s so surreal. Anyone with a giving persona, and a desire to help others, attracts narcissists.
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